Sunset
by elianna
Summary: Logan ponders his life now that Max is gone...


AUTHOR: Elianna  
TITLE: Sunset  
RATING: PG  
SPOILERS: ...And Jesus Brought a Casserole  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything! Please don't  
sue 'cuz all you'll get is my '85 Honda Accord!  
I refuse to part with my computer!!!  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES:  
I was very bothered by the thought that   
Logan didn't know Max was still alive.  
What would he do? What would he think?  
Poor Guy...  
This takes a shot at Logan's feelings  
and thoughts after Max's "death".  
P.S.: I inserted the song "Back For Good"  
by Take That because it kinda inspired me  
for this fic.  
************************************  
  
I guess now it's time for me to give up  
I feel it's time  
Got a picture of you beside me  
Got your lipstick mark still on your coffee cup  
Got a fist of pure emotion  
Got a head of shattered dreams  
Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now  
  
-Back for Good (by Take That)  
  
************************************  
  
SUNSETBy: Elianna  
  
  
I can still remember the last thing she said to me face to face.  
"I'd kiss you, but it'd ruin my frame of mind."  
Or something like that anyway.  
God.  
  
I don't know how many times I've replayed that scene in my head.  
Sometimes I just grab her and kiss her madly... one last time.  
Sometimes I get on my knees and plead with her to stay.  
Sometimes I grab her and run far, far away.  
Sometimes... I just let her go...  
But that's not just a scene in my mind.  
I really did that.  
God I'm an idiot.  
  
I roll my chair away from the computer to the window. Where Bling  
can't see me. I squeeze my eyes shut and pinch the bridge of nose.   
I've got to keep away the tears. I raise my head to see my   
reflexion in the glass.  
  
You look so pathetic.  
What would Max say if she saw you like this?...  
  
I sigh and run my hands along my thighs.  
  
What's sad is that I honestly don't know the answer to that.  
I would never have let her see me like this.  
She would never have let me see her like this either.  
We had an unspoken agreement.  
That was the way things were.  
  
But I'm sure things would have changed if she...  
If she was still here.  
  
I feel a lump growing in my throught and I cough. Bling suddenly   
looks up from he was doing and asks if I'm okay. I manage to blurt   
out a meager reply.  
  
"Fine. Just tiered, that's all."  
  
He says something and I just nod my head. He'll leave me alone  
eventually.  
  
I want to be alone.  
I have to remember how to be alone.  
In some form or another, I've spent practically my whole life alone.  
Then she dropped in.  
Ever since, I've treasured her company.  
I spent a moment with her whenever I could.  
And then some days I tried to stay away.  
I was in denial.  
I was stupid.  
  
I run my hand along my face, smearing the tears over my cheeks.  
  
All that wasted time.  
Wasted doing stupid, selfish things.  
  
I turn my head slightly and see the exoskeleton box out of the  
corner of my eye.  
  
Like trying to walk.  
All the money.  
All the time.  
Wasted.  
And why?  
Because I thought she might look twice at me if I wasn't only   
half her size.  
Because I thought she saw me as less than a man.  
Jeez...  
  
I know I told myself that it was for moral reasons.  
So I could feel what it was to be normal again.  
But I am normal.  
I just did it for myself.  
But there's no point to it now.  
Why walk when I can't do it by her side?  
  
The past year has been the most complicated of my life.  
And the most wonderful.  
I'd do anything to have her back.  
Anything.  
But I have to move on.  
Eventually I'll be ready to.  
  
One day I won't dream of her in my arms.  
I won't wake up and think of her.  
I won't hear her beautiful laugh.  
I won't imagine that she's right behind me.  
I won't recall her deep brown eyes.  
I won't remember our last kiss.  
  
But when I see the sunset I'll remember it all.  
Because the sunset is hers.  
Now and forever in my heart.  
  
------------------------  
Feedback please! mwshrine@hotmail.com  
  
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